daib0
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June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Jan 17, 2019 23:07:45 GMT
A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own Clinic and puts a sign outside ;-
'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American Lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the Clinic.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of Taste.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.'
Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is Kerosene.'
Chinese: 'Congrats, your sense of Taste is restored. Give me $20 dolla.'
The annoyed Lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: 'I have lost my Memory. I cannot remember anything.'
Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.'
Lawyer (annoyed): 'This is Kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my Taste.'
Chinese: 'Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20 dolla.'
The fuming Lawyer pays him and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: 'My Eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all.'
Chinese: 'Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100 dolla.'
Lawyer (staring at the note): 'But this is $20, not $100"...
Chinese: 'Congrats muddaf*cka, your Eyesight is restored. Give me another $20 dolla'
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
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June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Jan 17, 2019 23:28:53 GMT
I've been told that my grammar is very poor but I don't believe them. Only last week she gave me £20
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
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daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Jan 22, 2019 18:12:48 GMT
I'm organising a party for people who can't reach an orgasm, so if you can't come let me know ...
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
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daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
daib0
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Post by daib0 on Jan 24, 2019 23:48:00 GMT
Today in Barclays , an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over...
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
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daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Feb 1, 2019 14:41:11 GMT
Just rang the drug addiction centre and the recorded message said
" if you have a problem with cannabis press hash ... If your issue is with cocaine, stay on the line "
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
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daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Apr 16, 2019 18:28:25 GMT
get your own back...
Walking home this morning and a British gas engineer was sat in his van. He wound down his window and said "what's the time mate?"
I replied, "between 8 and 1"
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
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daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Apr 29, 2019 12:35:57 GMT
An ex-girlfriend of mine was obsessed with counting. I often wonder ..... what she is up to now?!
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
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daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Jun 12, 2019 16:07:58 GMT
My mate was so unfairly put in prison just for having a stutter. The judge simply had it in for him....
In fact, we don't know if he'll ever finish his sentence....
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
78
daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
daib0
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Post by daib0 on Sept 6, 2019 12:58:27 GMT
Young boy: "Dad, what fun does a priest have?" Father: "nun...."
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
78
daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Sept 6, 2019 12:58:59 GMT
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
No sun.
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#1979e6
MatchDay Commentator
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Webster
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May 20, 2018 17:24:36 GMT
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webster
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Post by Webster on Sept 25, 2019 20:00:37 GMT
..from Sept. 25th's Guardian Carabao League Cup live-blog...(The Guardian) Floodlight failure! It’s all gone very dark at Burton, where the home side lead Bournemouth 1-0 but, more importantly, need an electrician sharpish.
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#1979e6
MatchDay Commentator
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Webster
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May 20, 2018 17:24:36 GMT
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Post by Webster on Jan 17, 2020 18:02:12 GMT
Just saw this under this avy.... -- Karma: -2
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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0
Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
78
daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
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Post by daib0 on Jan 22, 2020 18:39:32 GMT
He: “Do you smoke after sex?” She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.”
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#1979e6
MatchDay Commentator
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Webster
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May 20, 2018 17:24:36 GMT
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Post by Webster on Jan 23, 2020 6:24:44 GMT
*looks around* Hey, daib0, you're back... e7005859 How's it going?
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daib0
Full Member
A friendly Reading FC fan!
Posts: 134
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8
0
Sept 22, 2020 20:37:56 GMT
78
daib0
A friendly Reading FC fan!
134
Jun 20, 2018 12:14:20 GMT
June 2018
daib0
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Post by daib0 on Jan 31, 2020 11:50:30 GMT
Dave the Kopite is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar.
"Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who's he?"
"Gee, that's the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!"
Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football.
He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?"
"Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply.
Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?"
"Leeds," replied the memory man.
Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?"
The wise Red Indian didn't hesitate in answering, "2-1."
Dave thinks he'll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John."
Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave's curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to America and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave.
Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue.
"How," Dave says.
The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box."
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